I want the peace of God

I want peace, but I often want several other things at the same time.

I want peace and an apology. Peace and certainty. Peace and the satisfaction of knowing that the other person finally understands why I was right.

The conditions explain why peace keeps being postponed.

This lesson asks me to become honest about what I want most.

Wanting the peace of God does not mean I stop caring about outcomes. It means I stop asking the outcome to manufacture peace for me.

I remember sending a piece of work I had put considerable care into and then checking for a response far more often than the situation required.

I told myself I simply wanted to know whether it had been received.

But if I had been offered a choice between peace and the message I hoped would confirm that the work was valuable, I am not sure I would have chosen peace immediately.

Part of me wanted recognition more.

That recognition was uncomfortable and freeing.

I could not receive peace while secretly asking another person’s response to deliver a verdict on what I had made—or on me.

The peace of God does not require me to decide that nothing happened. It requires me to stop using what happened as the place where peace must now be found.

Today I want to notice the condition attached to my desire for peace.

I may follow up tomorrow, revise the work, or learn something useful from the response.

But tonight, I can want peace more than one more refresh of an inbox that is not qualified to tell me what I am worth.